"Aahhhh dammit, I want to get laid!"

Sorry about that. My internal narrative slipped out. Usually I'm very meek and docile.

But it sucks to be surrounded by people who've had sex. They exude an aura of "hey, I'm different from you." Well good for you, f*ckhead! Dammit!

Anyway that was my life, until one fateful day. I rescued a drowning love god from the river. As a reward, the god promised me a way to have sex big time!

The next day at school all the girls were obsessed with me. I was honestly pleased, but these girls were wacky in love! Psychopathic, even! Out of their heads.